Reality Bites: If You A Hoe, Gotta Call You A Hoe… The Hoe Phase

by J.White

“If you a hoe gotta call you a hoe, too many b*thes are shady” lyric provided by Jay-Z

Kim Kardashian, Rihanna, Amber Rose. What do they all have in common? They are all presumed to be hoes. Why are they hoes?  Well…. Who actually knows? Kim K is considered a hoe because of a sextape. That she made with her boyfriend at the time Ray J, but that’s beside the point. Maybe it was her “fake marriage” to Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries. Or maybe she’s a hoe for her infatuation with Kanye West, but that’s an argument for another day. Then you have Rihanna. Ever since her domestic dispute with Chris Brown it seems her star has taken off. Some consider her a hoe from bouncing from Brown, to Drake, to Matt Kemp, to Ashton Kutcher, back to Brown, to Meek Mill, and so on and so forth on the whorish brick road. Shes also considered a hoe for her erratic behavior and need for attention. And then there is Amber Rose. Former stripper. Ex of Kanye West. Fiancée of Wiz Khalifa. That’s about all her rap sheet reads. Why is she a ho?

     The central thing you can pick up on here is VERY evident. Hoeish tendencies, but NOT a hoe. Every move these women make is magnified. Why?  Because these women are in the spotlight. It’s plastered in our face and for the rest of the world to see. Every sexcapade, every breakdown, every Lamborghini that’s purchased for their boyfriend is front page news on the gossip blogs.

     That leaves me to wonder. What about us mere humans? We’re not celebrities, so why are we their harshest critics when we go through the same thing. I know there’s no possible way that you could think we don’t go through the same thing just because we’re not in the spotlight. YES, we simple human beings go through what is called the “hoe phase.”

     Men and Women go through what is known as the “hoe phase”. It’s a phase that occurs between the ages of 18-24 where something triggers in our brain that we can’t be told (for lack of better words) sh*t. We get in this mind state because we feel invincible. We’re “adults” in our minds, and we act reckless.  Now I’m pretty sure the common definition of “hoe” is one that sleeps with a lot of people and this is true but vague. There are other types as well. Frankly you can be a hoe without ever having sex. Using someone for money, having sex for material things or status, allowing yourself to be used, you are hoeing yourself out. You can be a hoe unknowingly. He or She may only want you for sex. Unbeknownst to you, that may be all they are using you for. They may bring you around other people once in a while, but for the most part they only want one thing from you. As good as the dream of having a sex buddy sounds, one of the sex buddies will like the other buddy more and will start to feel like a hoe because they want more. It rarely works. There are more stages than I can name.  And they are also different for men and women. 

     For men, while in the hoe phase frankly we’re not looking to commit. We want to have sex with the most attractive women as possible. To quote a line from Coming to America, “sow our royal oats.”    We want notches in our belt, nothing more nothing less. The first sign of a woman getting attached we fall back. We pray that this day never happens but most of the time it does. It’s unavoidable. The drama that comes with this falling out will be the sole reason we continue to do what we do. And it will make absolutely no sense. Why not settle down? Because we fear we will miss out on the world if we do. Which couldn’t be further than the truth but at this point in time you can’t tell us that. We won’t listen, until something happens which I will elaborate on later.

      For women, this stage is vicious. The elephant in the room is that this “hoe phase” is a double standard. It is. I won’t deny that. But as long as there have been defined gender roles, there has always been a double standard. You ask “why is this stage so vicious for women?” It’s for this sole purpose. Your friends KNOW about your hoe phase. More than likely you’re going through hoe phase in tandems, as a team. The principles are all there just like for us men. You don’t want to settle down; you feel you’re going to miss out. So you go through your phase. You wild out, have sex with different guys, etc. But it’s different. One or two things seem to always happen just from the women I’ve talked to about this stage. One is that you end up getting attached to a guy who is going through his hoe phase and doesn’t want to settle down with you. He may or may not know about the things you’ve done, and he wanted you to be a notch in his belt, but he doesn’t want to commit. Or the 2nd thing happened. For some reason women cannot keep the same friends for very long. It’s a rare circumstance that this happens. For whatever reason women fallout, and once they fall out they become bitter enemies. Along the lines of Batman and Joker. Once this happens it’s only a matter of time before the “you aint sh*t!” line flies and shortly thereafter everything that they have told one another is told to outside parties in an attempt to slander each other’s name. It’s only a matter of time before your name has dirt on it.

      The biggest catalyst in triggering the hoe phase is actually a bad break-up. This goes for both sexes because we ask ourselves “why am I going through this” or “what’s wrong with me”. Nothing may be wrong with you, but the seeds of doubt are planted. Our feelings become so hurt that we actually try and become numb to our feelings. We actually get to the point where we try to ignore a basic human emotion: Caring. With the sole reason being because we’re hurt. And in turn we go crazy. Sans the “hoe phase”. I was fortunate enough my parents talk to me about this stage. But did I listen? Of course not. Experience is the best teacher. They didn’t shield me but they warned me. The hurtful truth is we don’t learn until we hit complete rock bottom. We aren’t looked at the same. Karma comes around and kicks us in the ass. Our reputation and name are tarnished for the time being. That’s when we have a choice. Pull ourselves up, learn why everything is happening, and mature, or continue with our ways. People may never forget but it’s unfair to be held to it once you begin making an effort to change. Some people never grow out of this phase unfortunately. Some people are just hoes and you have to call a spade a spade.

     It’s a stage of change in life. Ours just isn’t played out in front of the world. It may play out in our immediate circles, your name possibly dragged through the mud, but even that too will pass. And the people that matter wont judge you but try to understand you. To quote another line from Jay-Z “He without sin shall cast the first stone so y’all check in the mirror, double check your appearance.” Seems as if this virtue needs to be applied more often.

Follow me on twitter @JWhiteThePrez

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